My Dad

He was sitting in the bed when I walked in, wearing only a white gown. I'd seen him like this a lot over the past few months, only this time was different, he was awake.
The room smelled like it always did, of disinfectant. The usual things were happening, people rushed around with trolleys, checked machines and gave reassuring nods.
My Dad looked like a 3 year old, naive as if he didn't have a clue to where he had been for the last 3 months. He didn't know who I was, but he knew he could trust me. He held my hand as I stood next to the bed, I'd held his hand hundreds of times in the past few weeks but this time he held mine back.
Tears rolled down my face as I reassured him everything was going to be ok, but I don't think he knew anything was wrong.
"Help me get this started"
"Get what started?"
"This car..."
"It's not a car. It's your bed"
"No its not! It's a car. Get it started, I don't want to be here anymore!"
"But Dad, it's a bed, it hasn't got an engine"
"I can feel it vibrating. Have you seen the English man with the French accent? He can get me out of here, talk to him"
"Ok Dad"
The first conversation I had with my Dad after he had come out of his coma is one I will never forget. I hadn't left his bedside in 2 months, only to go and buy more heroin. I would sit in the toilet in the ICCU and inject myself before going and sitting with him for a couple more hours. I was sure he would die and I was overwhelmed with guilt. I hadn't spent enough time with him, I hadn't spoken to him in the months leading up to his accident, and if he had died...... This is all I could think of, perhaps selfish on my front, I dunno.
Seeing my Dad like that is one of the main reasons I went into rehab. I had hurt my family enough and they had done plenty for me. What could I do for them? If my Mother was taken ill? What could I possibly do for someone else being the mess that I was?
My Dad has almost made a full recovery, luckily he doesn't remember anything of the accident or the time he spent in hospital, but I do, I remember it everyday, and it helps put things into perspective sometimes, if i'm getting down about bills, or if something hasn't gone my way, I always remember, things could be a whole lot worse.